Saturday, February 25, 2006
Tanya Harding Invitational Results: Timmer Rules
In the first annual Tanya Harding Invitational Tournament, Warren Timmer once again erased the record books despite stiff winds and a 18° wind-chill. Wearing his new spandex singlet, which was designed for the 2006 Olympic Luge event but adapted for disc golf, Timmer achieved an 11-stroke victory, a mark never reached during the long and storied history of GLNRSTDGA tournament play.
"I know it sounds weird," Timmer said in an interview on his Gulfstream after the match, "but I could see the wind. I could tell where it was going without having to throw a blade of grass in the air. It was really kind of a neat effect, probably due to the combination of stuff I had to take before the match. I drank half a liter of cough medicine, smoked a couple of Kool Menthols, and took ten Timmer Nutritionals Yohimbe Bark™ caplets (available at TimmerNut.com). That and the 102° fever I was running seemed to do the trick."
Gunnar Gunnarsson protested the finish, asking officials to test Timmer for blood-doping. Gunnarsson was reportedly screaming at officials after the match: "Ask him why he has a blood plasma centrifuge on his plane! Ask him, why doncha!"
Tournament officials did not return our emails by press time.
-9 Timmer
+2 Gunnarsson
+5 Ross
"I know it sounds weird," Timmer said in an interview on his Gulfstream after the match, "but I could see the wind. I could tell where it was going without having to throw a blade of grass in the air. It was really kind of a neat effect, probably due to the combination of stuff I had to take before the match. I drank half a liter of cough medicine, smoked a couple of Kool Menthols, and took ten Timmer Nutritionals Yohimbe Bark™ caplets (available at TimmerNut.com). That and the 102° fever I was running seemed to do the trick."
Gunnar Gunnarsson protested the finish, asking officials to test Timmer for blood-doping. Gunnarsson was reportedly screaming at officials after the match: "Ask him why he has a blood plasma centrifuge on his plane! Ask him, why doncha!"
Tournament officials did not return our emails by press time.
-9 Timmer
+2 Gunnarsson
+5 Ross
