Cincinnati Disc Golf Blog

Timmer again ralled over the back nine to escape with yet another victory in the Fourth Annual Hervé Villechaize Memorial. After the match, Ross claimed that Timmer had been using an illegal, performance-enhancing T-shirt.

"Check his shirt out! That's all I'm sayin'."

Timmer disc golf apparel, including the new UnderTimmer shirts in ladies and mens sizes, are available online at timmernut.com.

-9 Timmer
-5 Ross

Openly taunting his opponents while sweeping to another tour victory, Warren Timmer was fined $5,000 by GLNRSTDGA Commissioner Harvey P. Freen for unsportsmanlike conduct. Verbal harrassment and "nutting" an opposing player with a putter were both listed as formal reasons for the reprimand.

In the press conference following the match, Freen addressed reporters: "While we appreciate Mr. Timmer's disc golf skill and the cadre of fans known as 'Timmer's Troopers', we also must ensure the safety of all players and maintain the staid traditions of this sport. Over its glorious 600-year history, disc golf has never been as popular... nor as controversial. With stellar yet controversial personalities, we must carefully balance fan appeal with a respect for tradition and sportsmanship."

Timmer was not pleased with the fine and protested the reprimand. "These little bezatches always get all up in my grille after I dominate they a**es. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. S**t. Buncha crackas."

He then stomped off and boarded his Gulfstream before reporters could ask any questions.

-6 Timmer
+5 Ross
+7 Nadel

Grasping the Falcon Crest Trophy and a check for $75,000, Warren Timmer celebrated with champagne after a hard-fought victory in the sixth annual Lorenzo Lamas Invitational. Headed to 18, Timmer led Ross -4 to -2. From a distance of 30 feet, Ross went for the eagle putt, which sailed far left. He ended up with a catastrophic bogie.

The second place finishers split $55,000, so Ross and Gunnar Gunnarsson both cashed out with $27,500. Lamas was on hand -- dressed in apparel made famous by his huge television hit Bounty Hunter -- to hand out checks and personally present the trophy.

After the match, Lamas commented, "I've seen a lot of great athletes in my time: Angel Bravo, Sibby Sisti, Danny Schayes, and David Wells come to mind. But none match Warren Timmer in his prime. He's come back better than ever after his terrible knee injury and each weekend I can't wait to see highlights of the latest tournament on ESPN 8, the Ocho. Disc golf is really on its way to the mainstream with spectacular personalities like Timmer."

-4 Timmer
-1 Gunnarsson
-1 Ross

Tied at 4 under headed for 14, Gunnar Gunnarsson floored the gas pedal and accelerated to a solid four-stroke victory in the Corey Haim Memorial Tournament. The disc golf tourney, held annually, commemorates the acting immortal Corey Haim, who disappeared shortly after filming Dream a Little Dream 2 in 1995.

Over the last four holes, Gunnarsson operated like a boxer-six engine in a Porsche Carerra, smoothly maneuvering into putting position as if he were parallel-parking a Mini-Cooper. On 18, Ross' aggressive 22-foot birdie attempt sailed past the hole like a senior citizen missing the lefthand turn into the Kroger parking lot. The resulting bogie and Gunnarsson's birdie biased the results like Consumer Reports dinging GM products.

After a litany of automobile metaphors, the pair called it a day with a final toast to acting genius Corey Haim.

-6 Gunnarsson
-2 Ross

Famed Cincinnati pro disc golfer Ross held a free disc golf clinic sponsored by UHF television station WOBS. Unfortunately, due to a publicity mixup (there wasn't any), the clinic was sparsely attended. The only participants were a dog-walking passerby, her small child, and Ross' mother. Call WOBS if you'd like to attend the next clinic, coming soon to a venue near you.

WOBS will be broadcasting next Saturday from Jim Bob Clamrod's Used Car Jamboree in East Framville (take exit 3 off State Route 48 until you see the strip mall with the feed store, then hang a right and it's behind Jolene's Discount Candle Shoppe).

  In another stellar performance, Warren Timmer dominated the Michael Madsen Invitational from start to finish. Perfect weather conditions contributed to the scores, a far cry from the previous tourney that sucked several players into a tornadic vortex of howling winds.

Battling a sore knee, Timmer bravely achieved a near-record score. "I don't like to talk about the pain I've been facing recently, but *sniff*, damn, this hurts. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Owwww. Someone get me an Advil and a Martini, dammit!"

-9 Timmer
-4 Ross

The schizophrenic weather -- heavy gusts of wind followed by absolute stillness and calm -- seemed to rattle the professionals participating in the sixth annual Ricardo Montalban Invitational. Despite an uncharacteristic series of shaky drives, Warren Timmer survived to close out a two-stroke victory.

A triple bogie on five prevented Ross from getting closer than a stroke. He and Gunnarsson battled for second place until 17, where an ugly incident involving a tree, a rabid weasel, and a can of Crisco hamstrung Gunnarsson's efforts. Jay Nadel's unconventional new "battle-ax" throwing style kept him in contention until the back twelve. While he didn't end up in the money, Nadel did find a unique proctological monocle during the round.

Timmer's prize: a 1981 Chrysler Cordoba LS (yes, I said an LS). Fully loaded and plushly appointed with rich Corinthian leather -- the Cordoba was provided by Buck Sawgrass Chrysler-Jeep-Pontiac-Hyundai-Kia (open Sundays, noon 'til six!).

-1 Timmer
+1 Ross
+2 Gunnarsson
+8 Nadel