Sunday, April 22, 2007
Gunnarsson takes crown at Bobcat Goldthwaite Memorial
Gunnar Gunnarsson was on fire from the outset Saturday, sweeping to a dominating victory in the Thirtieth Annual Bobcat Goldthwaite Memorial Tournament and Bridal Show. Consistently laying up well for birdies -- and making no major mistakes -- turned out to be Gunnarsson's winning gameplan.
A controversial moment occurred after the match when Timmer and Ross offered congratulations to the victor. Observers told Fox News that when the pair, stating "good match," attempted to shake hands with Gunnarsson, he pulled his hand away, saying, "I wish I could say the same. B*tches."
The Commissioner's office was unavailable for comment at press time.
Gunnarsson picked up a check for $282,000 and a 17-foot Ski Nautique premium Ski Boat.
-11 Gunnarsson
- 5 Ross
+ 0 Timmer
A controversial moment occurred after the match when Timmer and Ross offered congratulations to the victor. Observers told Fox News that when the pair, stating "good match," attempted to shake hands with Gunnarsson, he pulled his hand away, saying, "I wish I could say the same. B*tches."
The Commissioner's office was unavailable for comment at press time.
Gunnarsson picked up a check for $282,000 and a 17-foot Ski Nautique premium Ski Boat.
-11 Gunnarsson
- 5 Ross
+ 0 Timmer
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Ross demolishes Timmer in 2007 season opener
In an upset of monumental proportions, 2006 GLNRSTDGA champion Warren Timmer fell to Ross by 12 strokes in the 2007 season opener at Harbin Park. Ross' victory at the Sam Kinison Memorial Disc Golf and Beer Pong Tournament set several records.
Playing the back nine first, Ross opened up a twelve stroke lead, -7 to +5. The lead varied little over the last nine, as Timmer composed himself to finish -2 over that span. The critical sequence were a pair of back-to-back double bogies that sent Timmer into an apoplectic frenzy of shouts, curses, and burning discs.
For his efforts, Ross took home a check for $330,000 and a 2008 Ferrari Spyder. Timmer collected $183 and a coupon for a free car wash at Car Wash Plus.
-9 Ross
+3 Timmer
Playing the back nine first, Ross opened up a twelve stroke lead, -7 to +5. The lead varied little over the last nine, as Timmer composed himself to finish -2 over that span. The critical sequence were a pair of back-to-back double bogies that sent Timmer into an apoplectic frenzy of shouts, curses, and burning discs.
For his efforts, Ross took home a check for $330,000 and a 2008 Ferrari Spyder. Timmer collected $183 and a coupon for a free car wash at Car Wash Plus.
-9 Ross
+3 Timmer
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Timmer pimp-slaps competition after long lay-off
Warren Timmer shook off the rust on Saturday, sweeping to an impressive four-stroke win at Harbin Park. The prestigious Rick's Yellow Grease Invitational pitted the three Cincinnati stalwarts against one another in brisk conditions: 36 degrees with absolutely no breeze whatsoever.
"It's hardly any competition at all, to be frank. It's a man versus boys," said Timmer during a clubhouse interview, "I really think that my retirement will only help improve the competition because, quite frankly, it's boring." Suppressing a yawn, he went on to compliment the beverage girls, the landscapers, and the marketing collateral associated with the tournament.
-9 Timmer
-5 Gunnarsson
-3 Ross
"It's hardly any competition at all, to be frank. It's a man versus boys," said Timmer during a clubhouse interview, "I really think that my retirement will only help improve the competition because, quite frankly, it's boring." Suppressing a yawn, he went on to compliment the beverage girls, the landscapers, and the marketing collateral associated with the tournament.
-9 Timmer
-5 Gunnarsson
-3 Ross
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Latest scores from GLNRSTDGA tour
15 October 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-8 Gunnarsson
-2 Timmer
+0 Ross
8 October 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-11 Timmer
-8 Ross
1 October 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-4 Levinson
-3 Ross
24 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-12 Timmer
-6 Ross
17 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-9 Timmer
-7 Gunnarsson
-2 Ross
16 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-11 Timmer
-2 Ross
10 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-8 Timmer
-7 Gunnarsson
-7 Ross
09 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-7 Timmer
-4 Ross
03 September 2006 OFFICIAL RESULTS
-8 Timmer
-2 Gunnarsson
-2 Ross
Sunday, September 03, 2006
T for Vendetta
Warren Timmer dominated the front nine to sweep to a satisfying win and reclaim the leadership spot in the GLNRSTDGA tour. The ninth annual Liquid Carpet™ Pourable Floor Covering Invitational saw a crowd of well over 5,000 spectators.
After the match, Timmer spoke like a biblical prophet, speaking in the third person:
"Vengeance is mine, sayeth Timmer."
-12 Timmer
-4 Ross
After the match, Timmer spoke like a biblical prophet, speaking in the third person:
"Vengeance is mine, sayeth Timmer."
-12 Timmer
-4 Ross
Saturday, September 02, 2006
"The era of Warren Timmer has drawn to a close"
In his best baritone, movie announcer voice, Ross spoke to the press after the Ninth Annual Ralph Macchio Invitational.
"Only in a world of disappointing athletes and fallen heroes, would this tale ring so true. In a park that time forgot... during a once-in-a-century "perfect" storm... would a lad who made good on a long-ago promise to his father, bring down the unbeaten 2006 disc golf champion!
...I claim this land in the name of the King! Oops, sorry, wrong movie...
The era of Warren Timmer has drawn to a close."
In a surprising upset, Ross finally defeated the hobgoblins that had bedevilled him all year. Or perhaps it was demons who had bedevilled him. Nonetheless, from the first hole to the last, he led -- sometimes by as many as three strokes -- and finally clinched the victory with a par on 18.
For his efforts, he claimed a $453,000 check and a 2007 Maserati Spyder. Timmer cashed in with $18,620 and a $50 gift certificate from Starbucks.
-8 Ross
-7 Timmer
"Only in a world of disappointing athletes and fallen heroes, would this tale ring so true. In a park that time forgot... during a once-in-a-century "perfect" storm... would a lad who made good on a long-ago promise to his father, bring down the unbeaten 2006 disc golf champion!
...I claim this land in the name of the King! Oops, sorry, wrong movie...
The era of Warren Timmer has drawn to a close."
In a surprising upset, Ross finally defeated the hobgoblins that had bedevilled him all year. Or perhaps it was demons who had bedevilled him. Nonetheless, from the first hole to the last, he led -- sometimes by as many as three strokes -- and finally clinched the victory with a par on 18.
For his efforts, he claimed a $453,000 check and a 2007 Maserati Spyder. Timmer cashed in with $18,620 and a $50 gift certificate from Starbucks.
-8 Ross
-7 Timmer
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Third annual Torro Turf-Leveler™ Home Flamethrower Invitational
Timmer dominated from start to finish in the third annual Torro Turf-Leveler™ Home Flamethrower invitational (Remember - nothing cleans up troublesome weeds and brush like a Torro Turf-Leveler!).
-8 Timmer
-1 Gunnarsson
-1 Ross
-8 Timmer
-1 Gunnarsson
-1 Ross
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Results from Art Schichter Disc Golf and Poker Invitational
Ross approached the seventh tee carrying a -4 score and a five stroke lead. His subsequent meltdown -- virtually unparalleled in tournament history -- saw his game unravel faster than a ball of twine hurled out of the space shuttle.
The first problem was a par on 8, when a short birdie putt went awry. The second problem was 9, where a long birdie putt turned into a bogie. A series of bogies over the back nine doomed Ross. The southpaw Gunnarsson took full advantage of the back nine's preference for left-to-right shots.
Gunnarsson collected $84,216 and an IOU from Schichter while Ross earned $142.17 and a "lifetime of free parking" pass at the Cincinnati Gardens.
-5 Gunnarsson
+0 Ross
The first problem was a par on 8, when a short birdie putt went awry. The second problem was 9, where a long birdie putt turned into a bogie. A series of bogies over the back nine doomed Ross. The southpaw Gunnarsson took full advantage of the back nine's preference for left-to-right shots.
Gunnarsson collected $84,216 and an IOU from Schichter while Ross earned $142.17 and a "lifetime of free parking" pass at the Cincinnati Gardens.
-5 Gunnarsson
+0 Ross
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Results from Maurice Clarett Invitational sponsored by Kevlar™
The third annual Maurice Clarett Invitational sponsored by Kevlar™ took place Saturday at Harbin Park. Timmer took control from the outset, firing six birdies in a row to start the match.
Clarett, escorted by members of the U.S. Marshals Service, presented Timmer with a check for $78,200 and a Kevlar vest from Advanced Armour®. The second-place finisher, Ross, went home with $24,900 and 500 rounds of 9mm ammunition. Gunnarsson, in third, won $7,300 and a free handgun rental at TargetWorld.
Day 1
-11 Timmer
- 4 Ross
- 3 Gunnarsson
Clarett, escorted by members of the U.S. Marshals Service, presented Timmer with a check for $78,200 and a Kevlar vest from Advanced Armour®. The second-place finisher, Ross, went home with $24,900 and 500 rounds of 9mm ammunition. Gunnarsson, in third, won $7,300 and a free handgun rental at TargetWorld.
Day 1
-11 Timmer
- 4 Ross
- 3 Gunnarsson
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Charles Bronson Memorial Split-Day Tournament
Warren Timmer broke away during Day 2's back nine action on a day that saw some spectacular drives and some equally appalling approach shots. After the match, Timmer was visited by professional golfer John Daly in his Gulfstream and the pair jetted off to Antigua with a case of Tequila, one thousand limes and four female "bodyguards".
Timmer's first-place check totaled $426,000. Second-place finisher Gunnarsson netted $119,000, while third-place Ross cashed out with $327.18.
Day 1
-10 Ross
-10 Timmer
+ 2 Levinson
Day 2
- 5 Timmer
- 2 Gunnarsson
- 1 Ross
Timmer's first-place check totaled $426,000. Second-place finisher Gunnarsson netted $119,000, while third-place Ross cashed out with $327.18.
Day 1
-10 Ross
-10 Timmer
+ 2 Levinson
Day 2
- 5 Timmer
- 2 Gunnarsson
- 1 Ross
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Updated tournament results from July
7/15/06 Kitty Kelley Invitational
Official Results
-10 Timmer
-6 Ross
7/8/06 Fess Parker Memorial and Machine-Gun Shoot
Official Results
-8 Timmer
-1 Ross
+0 Gunnarsson
7/1/06 Fantasy Island Tournament (Atlantis, the Bahamas) - a new record was established by Warren Timmer, though some controversy over his use of an illegal, performance-enhancing disc arose after the match. His new, 174-gram "Blade-Runner" -- made of composite materials -- has not yet been approved for tournament play by GLNRSTDGA.
Official Results
-15 Timmer
-13 Bonney
Official Results
-10 Timmer
-6 Ross
7/8/06 Fess Parker Memorial and Machine-Gun Shoot
Official Results
-8 Timmer
-1 Ross
+0 Gunnarsson
7/1/06 Fantasy Island Tournament (Atlantis, the Bahamas) - a new record was established by Warren Timmer, though some controversy over his use of an illegal, performance-enhancing disc arose after the match. His new, 174-gram "Blade-Runner" -- made of composite materials -- has not yet been approved for tournament play by GLNRSTDGA.
Official Results
-15 Timmer
-13 Bonney
Sunday, June 25, 2006
*** News Flash *** GLNRSTDGA Updates
6/25/2006 Herbert Kornfeld Memorial
Eric Bonney erased the GLNRSTDGA record books with an impressive -13... even though he was coming off a 12-month layoff. In the process, he shattered Timmer's win streak like a fortune cookie after a bad Chinese meal. Bonney said after the match, "There's a new sheriff in town."
When asked specifically about Timmer, Bonney responded, "It's time someone put their foot down... and that foot is me."
Timmer was unavailable for comment.
Official Results
-13 Bonney
-11 Timmer
- 9 Ross
+ 2 Levinson
+ 4 Nadel
6/4/2006 Gary Coleman Classic
Trailing by two strokes, a startling 60-foot eagle by Ross on 18 sent the match to sudden death. The momentum shift wasn't enough to panic Timmer, however, who went on to win his 453rd straight match. The Gary Coleman Classic netted an $84,000 payday for Timmer.
Official Results
-4 -1 Timmer
-4 +0 Ross
5/30/2006 Kevin Federline Invitational
Official Results
-9 Timmer
-4 Ross
-3 Gunnarsson
+5 Levinson
Eric Bonney erased the GLNRSTDGA record books with an impressive -13... even though he was coming off a 12-month layoff. In the process, he shattered Timmer's win streak like a fortune cookie after a bad Chinese meal. Bonney said after the match, "There's a new sheriff in town."
When asked specifically about Timmer, Bonney responded, "It's time someone put their foot down... and that foot is me."
Timmer was unavailable for comment.
Official Results
-13 Bonney
-11 Timmer
- 9 Ross
+ 2 Levinson
+ 4 Nadel
6/4/2006 Gary Coleman Classic
Trailing by two strokes, a startling 60-foot eagle by Ross on 18 sent the match to sudden death. The momentum shift wasn't enough to panic Timmer, however, who went on to win his 453rd straight match. The Gary Coleman Classic netted an $84,000 payday for Timmer.
Official Results
-4 -1 Timmer
-4 +0 Ross
5/30/2006 Kevin Federline Invitational
Official Results
-9 Timmer
-4 Ross
-3 Gunnarsson
+5 Levinson
